Fart Day Saturday, Apr 24 2010 

Around these parts, 7 days is just not enough time to fit in all the beauties who wish to be further beautified or simply maintain their beauty.

Long ago the 8th day was implemented at hair world.

I applied for a special permit I found on the back of a match book and after taking a personality test that showed that not only was I driven, obsessive, compelled, and a Type A to the 3rd degree, I was told that there were 12-step groups for folks like me and I was well positioned to receive an 8th day, and to look for the license that would be in the mail soon.

It was a little challenging trying to fit in an extra day each week on the calendar that the mayans had been working on for some time, but I didn’t go to beauty school for nuthin’ and I found a way to make it work. For the most part that extra day was related to admin, but every now and then it was another day de beaute.

Really, it’s the perfect day in the salon since most folks don’t have that day on their calendar so it’s often peaceful and we all would be running on time. It’s perfect for more hair removal, hair colour and well ….. farting.

Farting can be a real happening in the salon, it can mix well with the scent of perm solution, hair laquer even acrylic nails.

At Simone, farting has become a full contact sport. I’m not talking about the random odiferous elderly client, or a brutal case of coffee breath while in the shampoo bowl.

Okay, l realize I’m on a tangent but what the heck. Let me take a moment to address this beauty faux pas before I go any further. THERE IS NO NEED TO SCREAM WHEN IN THE SHAMPOO BOWL HAVING YOUR HAIR WASHED. We can hear you, just fine… and often times, so can everyone else.

Consider yourself forewarned. We can ALL hear every little word just fine, we’ve heard all the details: of your all night fete’ with Fausto, or how that hussy juked you on the mah jong team or how the kids are driving you crazy and you had to take up shop-lifting to take the edge off. Etc etc etc.

We’ve heard it ALL and it frequently begins creeping out at the shampoo bowl while those hot wet soapy slippery hands are massaging your scalp and neck and temples and ears and the thought bubbles come flowing right out of your mouth.

Okay, back to Farting

I’m talking about the almost constant noxious fumes that hover around Babette and Maurice; my French Bulldogs.

I had heard about this potentially embarrassing dog trait over the years, and had been warned in the early days when I was thinking ‘Frenchie’, but never having a dog of my own, I thought it pure folly.

Now, these glorious breaths are a part of my every day life. I have learned to embrace this part of the Frenchie charm. I admit, it did take quite a while to get used to. For months clients would have strange pinched looks on their faces while having their hair done or while in the waiting area. I did have some concern that everyone I got near suddenly had eaten head cheese, road kill or a rancid egg. Well, truth be told, my clients were FOUL. Then one day a brave Super woman (I’ll call her super Betty) forcefully exclaimed, “THAT IS NOT ME!”.

Well it sure as heck wasn’t me. We all turned a hairy eye ball to Maurice,

and sweet as you please, looking just like baby jesus, he let one rip on cue.

AH HA!  The suspect had been found. There is a god, we all were able to breathe (with a gas masks on) a huge sigh of relief. I felt waves of love, and then guilt for secretly blaming my poor helpless clients for what was now clearly an attack of the French Brigade.

As I write this Monsieur stink sits next to me looking adorable and loudly cranking out his own little gas factory. I worry he may wake the neighbours.

So as we approach the 8th day of the week there are thanks to be given to super ‘Betty’ for calling a spade a spade. Due to her good works a sign now sits at the front of the salon stating. “The Dog did it”, and we can all get back to the business of laughter, relaxation, community and beautification…. And hey, it’s always great to have someone to blame right?

for full spread photo click http://simonesalon.com/closer_look_senior.htm


Do you have a story about doing hair or having your hair done?
If so, i want to hear from you for my Book Project. Please leave your comment and we’ll ‘Tawk”.    Simone


Shear Vanity Monday, Mar 29 2010 

Okay, this is CRAZINESS.
There was a woman in my chair recently;  we’ll call her ‘Betty’.
She is concerned that i am shallow, since i frequently talk about vanity (mine and others) –
I mean, come on, it’s my JOB. I love and encourage and embrace vanity. Without vanity, I might have become a meat packer or a lumber jack (well, not really likely, but you get the idea)

Well anyhow, ‘Betty’ has her hair coloured and cut regularly, undergoes laser hair removal, is tattooed, has permanent make-up, has had cosmetic surgery and has had her teeth whitened.

She insists that she is not vain.

Now I wasn’t born yesterday (although since taking the Orenda products i might look like it)
and I know vanity when i see it.  I see it EVERY DAY.
So i did what any beauty operator would do in that situation…
I said ….. “why don’t  we just do a “1/4 inch trim”.

That magic phrase has gotten me out of more tight situations than i can count.
Keep it in your back pocket, you never know when it will come in handy. Try it the next time you are pulled over for speeding (use this technique only if she is a female cop) – speaking of which, i was pulled over by an officer, ONCE.
I leapt from the car in shock, had i run over someone? was the belt of my coat trailing on the ground outside the car door? was the smiley face i had painted on the license plate in ‘jungle red’ nail polish a moving violation?. She eyed my smart ensemble and gave me the bullhorn to ‘get back in the car’,which of course i did. She asked for my license, i did the ol’ drop and search in the handbag, praying all along that i actually had it with me. Ah-Ha! Triumph!, i  gave it to her.
“uh……… this is a cosmetology licence” she said.

“Oh, right, sorry. Would you like a 1/4″ trim?” i enthusiastically asked. She was stymied.
and just like that, all was right in my world again, and off i went to embrace vanity.

Do you have a story about doing hair or having your hair done?
If so, i want to hear from you for my Book Project.
Please leave your comment and we’ll ‘Tawk”.

git er done Saturday, Mar 20 2010 

We do what must be done.
Not much comes between a woman and her hair.
Who cares if the power is out in the Salon?
Who cares if there is no running water ?
A dark pit full of snakes, and spiders? a pesky little heart attack, birth of twins – no problemo!

everyone looks good in the dark

Mining for Beauty

Yes indeed, i have worked in the dark on many days over my 30 year career. When the power goes out, beauty forges on. It’s not that different from trying to shampoo the head and cut the hair of a client who has just had a face lift or an ear transplant – you just cleverly work around the forbidden zone. The salon appointment was made prior to the date of surgery and rarely will that appointment get cancelled for ANY reason. Back surgery? worry not, those folks stand for the entire service while the beauty pro slash circus trickster teeters on a step ladder.

During most black-outs my angelic assistant would mightily hold a flash light so we could git er done. Then came the era of the mag light, then the mini mag, which was oh so handy because  i could hold in my mouth all on my own. It made for an exceptionally professional appearance.

Oddly, this tenacity paid off with a mob-scene of new clients wanting to get in on the fun. Their stylists simply tried to re-schedule the appointment to a day in which power was more likely to be plentiful. But, that would not do.

Each power outage was a call for “all hands on deck” as we  lit more candles and gripped the mini mags tighlty between our pearly whites, and everyone was praying “please oh hair gods, let this turn out the way it’s supposed to”. What was a salon yesterday had become a place of worship today.

But you have to figure that if anyone is desperate enough to have one’s hair cut or coloured in the dark, an artist with a mini-mag in mouth is nothing to shake a stick at. I have actually had numerous clients tell me “that was the best ______EVER”.

and then…
Viola! we discovered the headlamp.
Now, nothing but an untimely death can get in my way.

Do you have a slightly zany story about doing hair or having your hair done?
If so, i want to hear from you for my Book Project.
Please leave your comment and we’ll ‘Tawk”.


Put on your Seat Belt Sunday, Feb 28 2010 

Put your seatbelt on. I have a lot to say.

How crazy has life become?
We are becoming more and more removed from human contact and hand-shake agreements.
Life seems to be about electronics and SPEED now. Remember the old days when you just took a pill to move faster ?

Remember when hi-tech was carrying your gigantic boom box on your shoulder ?
Now there is no longer mail but Email, snail mail, voice mail, answering machines, black berrys,  cell phones, skype, I.Ms. and it’s just about impossible to reach anyone!

Here lies, the simple beauty of having one’s hair done.
A smile, a touch, a nice cup of tea, forced relaxation, a temporary respite,  your guard is down and nobody cares if you glance at trashy magazines, heck sometimes there’s just good old fashioned eaves-dropping to be had.

Then of course, there’s the bonding that takes place. Let’s face it, it’s a vulnerable position.; You are vain, but you don’t want to actually admit it.  You are hopeful, yet white knuckling the arm rests. You are in the hands of a person who can make or break your date-abliity, (aka your sex life)  – words sneak out of the mouth, it feels good, it’s a cleansing…… it’s a healing. Tears are shed, laughs are had, you look in the mirror and you are BEAUTIFUL. Suddenly, there is hope again, all will be right with the world, your best foot will be put forward and you can tackle that hydra that waits for you ‘out there’.

It’s a lovely thing to do for a living; to connect with others, and put smiles (hopefully) on their faces. Sometimes I can’t believe I am paid to make people happy, because the feeling is mutual.

And then ……. there are people like this:

Goo and Go

In and out, get it done, stick and move, cross it off the list.

Can you believe this?  These too, are my people, they’re in a rush, they want it all, they’re busy, they’re hooked up to all the mechanical contraptions, they are beeping, pinging and ringing, they’re driving while on conference calls (at least they are not smoking anymore).

God love the busy folks. We get it done.

Do you have a story about doing hair or having your hair done?
If so, i want to hear from you for my Book Project.
Please leave your comment and we’ll ‘Tawk”.

Welcome to my blog Thursday, Feb 4 2010 

Dear fellow Hair Professional:

I’ve had an idea that’s been marinating for more than 15 years,

it’s time to bring it to fruition, and I would like your help.

I am putting together a book, compiled of letters, cards, pictures and/or stories from those who “stand behind the chair’.

Whether you call yourself a hairstylist , hairdresser, hair designer, beauty professional, beauty operator, beautician, hair cutter, tinter-permer, chemical specialist, or a crimper, and whether you are currently behind the chair or were 65 years ago;

we’ve all had experiences that have elated, exasperated, inspired or baffled us.

I have worked in many salons over the past 30 years, and often “in competition” with Salons in the same area (which made little sense, since we are all on the same side of the chair) I know emotions run high in our industry. I’ve personally witnessed countless salon dramas, been moved to tears by the secrets I’ve heard, received not only love letters, but hate mail as well. I’ve alternately thought about burning my clothes after a ‘bad hair day’ and have felt a deep sense of gratitude for the many gifts this career has given me.


primarily to each other, but also to the public.

My fantasy is to hear not only North American’s, but other countries as well.

I would love nothing more than to shed some light on the fact, that at the end of the day we all have more in common than we realize.

Warm Regards,

Wendy Simone