Fart Day Saturday, Apr 24 2010 

Around these parts, 7 days is just not enough time to fit in all the beauties who wish to be further beautified or simply maintain their beauty.

Long ago the 8th day was implemented at hair world.

I applied for a special permit I found on the back of a match book and after taking a personality test that showed that not only was I driven, obsessive, compelled, and a Type A to the 3rd degree, I was told that there were 12-step groups for folks like me and I was well positioned to receive an 8th day, and to look for the license that would be in the mail soon.

It was a little challenging trying to fit in an extra day each week on the calendar that the mayans had been working on for some time, but I didn’t go to beauty school for nuthin’ and I found a way to make it work. For the most part that extra day was related to admin, but every now and then it was another day de beaute.

Really, it’s the perfect day in the salon since most folks don’t have that day on their calendar so it’s often peaceful and we all would be running on time. It’s perfect for more hair removal, hair colour and well ….. farting.

Farting can be a real happening in the salon, it can mix well with the scent of perm solution, hair laquer even acrylic nails.

At Simone, farting has become a full contact sport. I’m not talking about the random odiferous elderly client, or a brutal case of coffee breath while in the shampoo bowl.

Okay, l realize I’m on a tangent but what the heck. Let me take a moment to address this beauty faux pas before I go any further. THERE IS NO NEED TO SCREAM WHEN IN THE SHAMPOO BOWL HAVING YOUR HAIR WASHED. We can hear you, just fine… and often times, so can everyone else.

Consider yourself forewarned. We can ALL hear every little word just fine, we’ve heard all the details: of your all night fete’ with Fausto, or how that hussy juked you on the mah jong team or how the kids are driving you crazy and you had to take up shop-lifting to take the edge off. Etc etc etc.

We’ve heard it ALL and it frequently begins creeping out at the shampoo bowl while those hot wet soapy slippery hands are massaging your scalp and neck and temples and ears and the thought bubbles come flowing right out of your mouth.

Okay, back to Farting

I’m talking about the almost constant noxious fumes that hover around Babette and Maurice; my French Bulldogs.

I had heard about this potentially embarrassing dog trait over the years, and had been warned in the early days when I was thinking ‘Frenchie’, but never having a dog of my own, I thought it pure folly.

Now, these glorious breaths are a part of my every day life. I have learned to embrace this part of the Frenchie charm. I admit, it did take quite a while to get used to. For months clients would have strange pinched looks on their faces while having their hair done or while in the waiting area. I did have some concern that everyone I got near suddenly had eaten head cheese, road kill or a rancid egg. Well, truth be told, my clients were FOUL. Then one day a brave Super woman (I’ll call her super Betty) forcefully exclaimed, “THAT IS NOT ME!”.

Well it sure as heck wasn’t me. We all turned a hairy eye ball to Maurice,

and sweet as you please, looking just like baby jesus, he let one rip on cue.

AH HA!  The suspect had been found. There is a god, we all were able to breathe (with a gas masks on) a huge sigh of relief. I felt waves of love, and then guilt for secretly blaming my poor helpless clients for what was now clearly an attack of the French Brigade.

As I write this Monsieur stink sits next to me looking adorable and loudly cranking out his own little gas factory. I worry he may wake the neighbours.

So as we approach the 8th day of the week there are thanks to be given to super ‘Betty’ for calling a spade a spade. Due to her good works a sign now sits at the front of the salon stating. “The Dog did it”, and we can all get back to the business of laughter, relaxation, community and beautification…. And hey, it’s always great to have someone to blame right?

for full spread photo click http://simonesalon.com/closer_look_senior.htm

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Do you have a story about doing hair or having your hair done?
If so, i want to hear from you for my Book Project. Please leave your comment and we’ll ‘Tawk”.    Simone

Goo and Go Thursday, Apr 15 2010 

In my first post, i shared the story of the women who’s lives are so full  that they have their hair cut and coloured and leave the salon with colour on.

,

since then  there has been a run (pun intended) on this service. Every day i get calls from busy women begging to, well ……..”goo and go”. Credit actually goes to my long time client Kelsey who came up with this time efficient idea. This motivated and inventive southerner wanted it all and time was short. I admit i thought she was a bit wacky at the time, but soon i saw the brilliance in her ways.

Why not drive home, and by the time you arrive, your colour is finished.

Heck, pick up the kids along  the way!
This says ‘verve, hutzpah, confidence, moxie’, and in no uncertain terms ‘I am woman, get the heck of my way’.
So, the phone is ringing, the cars are parking, and chemically addicted women are running willy nilly to their vehicles with full heads of colour  or foils.

some even bring their pals (there is safety in numbers).
The  fashionistas wear sunglasses,earrings and lip stick to match of course.




They pick up the kids, drop the mail in the box, deliver the overdue library books, make some calls, prepare the evening meal, set the table, water the plants, hop in the shower, dress and damn!, but don’t they look fabulous?
how does that superwoman do it all?

(only her hairdresser knows for sure 🙂

—————–
Do you have a story about doing hair or having your hair done?

If so, i want to hear from you for my Book Project.
Please leave your comment and we’ll ‘Tawk”.
Simone.

Public Hair Friday, Apr 9 2010 

In my not-so-humble opinion, obsession with hair has become a national past time.

We tease, rat, wax, pluck, laser, electrolocize, tweeze, comb, brush, roll, bend, heat, cool, gel, mousse, coif, puff, poof, spray, shape, colour, cut, bleach, feather, straighten, flatten, shine, braid or shave it. I mean, come on just the pubic hair management business alone has become a thriving industry.

I admit, when I was in beauty school learning to set and comb out the perfect Italian top I thought HARD about what the future of hair held for me. I would look into the hairy crystal ball that predicted trends and I saw the words PUBLIC HAIR as clear as could be. Well,that was uneventful, since I was already doing the public’s hair. Crazy Colour was in vogue then, we were transitioning from frosting in caps  to foil highlights, and from garish greens and purples to normal only-her-hairdresser- knows- for -sure type of colour.

Anyhow, always one to rush toward the future (only to find that someone moved it a few weeks forward) I managed to not really pay attention to  the “L” in public, and the lasting impression I was left with was ‘PUBIC hair’.
I took it as a sign from the universe that one day pubic hair would be the new ‘black’.

Was I right or was I right?

Anyhow, In the salon’s dungeon was a sort of medieval ‘hair removal’ room, where mistress Betty worked. Well educated men and women would voluntarily climb on the table, and bravely and eagerly expose their hirsute body parts. Okay, normal enough, we’re licensed, professional, service providers, we’re caring people. Someone has to keep a straight face, roll up their sleeves, grab the bull by the horns, stand erect and scream out “HAIR, GET THEE BEHIND ME!”.

To be honest, I found it a pretty strange thing to do for hours on end, but then again, what isn’t?

The things people are  doing, or sometimes more frightening, not doing to their public and pubic hair still floors me.

in the 1400’s-1600’s Merkins and Bowsers were all the rage. A type of pubic hair wig that would somehow be attached to what god already had growing there and lo and behold you could have a long flowing full-on nest of hair dangling and swaying under your frock. If you think about it tight pants or mini skirts were probably not in fashion at that time . I suppose that if you got caught in the rain and your hair looked
a-fright, you could just reach into your “pocket”, whip out your bowser, or merkin and put it on your head and things would be groovy again. Or if a dignified gentleman was in process of growing a beard, he could attach his bowser to his face and in two shakes of a lamb’s tail, he’d be all gussied up for a game of croquet.

it all seems just a wee bit over the top, don’t you think?

As my friend Howard said, “no matter what the issue, inevitably, it all boils down to hair”. He is a wise man. I dare you , gather a few of your friends, pick any subject and if you really break it down, hair will be a major factor somewhere.

A case in point: People may be upside down on their homes or without a housekeeper, cell phone or Netflix account, but the quest for bigger, better or less hair marches on.
__________________________

Do you have a story about doing hair or having your hair done?
If so, i want to hear from you for my Book Project. Please leave your comment and we’ll ‘Tawk”.

– Simone.

Curl up and dye Friday, Apr 2 2010 

Do you ever go places and someone’s hair just stops you in your tracks?

Like maybe you don’t even know if it’s real?

Well, it probably is, people can do some very creative things, some of the works of art that get my attention are what I call monuments. These are worn by the mavericks, the true trend setters, I guess.

There was a woman I saw in the market with a thing on her head that puzzled me to the extent I found myself reaching out to touch it to see if it was alive.
It was larger than a foot ball helmet and sort of ratted in a way that lead me to think that it might be scraps of other people’s (animals?) hair just tossed into a heap and sprayed into a hornets nest, regardless of what it was made of, I wondered just how she could hold the entire mass upright, it was truly humongous. Remarkable, righteous, rad, really gnarley etc. A + for effort.

I saw a smartly dressed older gentleman yesterday with a rakish DO. Long hair on top of his head standing almost upright in sort of a qewpie doll swirl.
Honestly, He looked crazy.
My friend actually pointed him out. We began to make up a story about how he must have been in a hurry and arrived at the event in his sports car and the wind had rustled him up (like, A LOT) it was a good fantasy, so good, we looked at him differently after that.
Was that look intentional? Or did a tree branch grab his hairs on the way into the building?

Its amazing how something so simple can make someone look absolutely nutty. Sort of like lipstick on the teeth, or toilet paper hanging out of your pants. You carry on as if everything is Aokay, unaware that something is seriously awry.

Awhile back, I drove home on the freeway in rush hour, the cars were inching their way to their destinations. A couple men in the lane next to me were totally checking me out, this went on for a ¼ mile or so, I wasn’t sure if I was just lookin’ super caliente or if I had a smear of catsup on my face.
I decided to casually glance in the mirror I keep in my bag, and to my absolute horror I realized
I HAD PERM RODS IN MY HAIR. I had completely forgotten.

This is a pretty tough look to pull off even in the salon, yes I was used to it, seemed normal actually. But in a traffic jam was a whole nuther thing.
I assumed I would zip home in time to be fully air neutralized and I would hop in the shower and I emerge totally foxy, engulfed by a head of sexy bouncing curls.
Best laid plans and all that. So I did what any self respecting gal would do when caught on the freeway in perm rods.
I rolled down my window and said “hey sugar, I’m single, want my number?”
Note to self:
Never drive from one County to the next with perm rods in hair during rush hour

Do you have a story about doing hair or having your hair done?
If so, i want to hear from you for my Book Project.
Please leave your comment and we’ll ‘Tawk”.

Simone

Shear Vanity Monday, Mar 29 2010 

Okay, this is CRAZINESS.
There was a woman in my chair recently;  we’ll call her ‘Betty’.
She is concerned that i am shallow, since i frequently talk about vanity (mine and others) –
I mean, come on, it’s my JOB. I love and encourage and embrace vanity. Without vanity, I might have become a meat packer or a lumber jack (well, not really likely, but you get the idea)

Well anyhow, ‘Betty’ has her hair coloured and cut regularly, undergoes laser hair removal, is tattooed, has permanent make-up, has had cosmetic surgery and has had her teeth whitened.

She insists that she is not vain.

Now I wasn’t born yesterday (although since taking the Orenda products i might look like it)
and I know vanity when i see it.  I see it EVERY DAY.
So i did what any beauty operator would do in that situation…
I said ….. “why don’t  we just do a “1/4 inch trim”.

That magic phrase has gotten me out of more tight situations than i can count.
Keep it in your back pocket, you never know when it will come in handy. Try it the next time you are pulled over for speeding (use this technique only if she is a female cop) – speaking of which, i was pulled over by an officer, ONCE.
I leapt from the car in shock, had i run over someone? was the belt of my coat trailing on the ground outside the car door? was the smiley face i had painted on the license plate in ‘jungle red’ nail polish a moving violation?. She eyed my smart ensemble and gave me the bullhorn to ‘get back in the car’,which of course i did. She asked for my license, i did the ol’ drop and search in the handbag, praying all along that i actually had it with me. Ah-Ha! Triumph!, i  gave it to her.
“uh……… this is a cosmetology licence” she said.

“Oh, right, sorry. Would you like a 1/4″ trim?” i enthusiastically asked. She was stymied.
and just like that, all was right in my world again, and off i went to embrace vanity.

Do you have a story about doing hair or having your hair done?
If so, i want to hear from you for my Book Project.
Please leave your comment and we’ll ‘Tawk”.

git er done Saturday, Mar 20 2010 

We do what must be done.
Not much comes between a woman and her hair.
Who cares if the power is out in the Salon?
Who cares if there is no running water ?
A dark pit full of snakes, and spiders? a pesky little heart attack, birth of twins – no problemo!

everyone looks good in the dark

Mining for Beauty

Yes indeed, i have worked in the dark on many days over my 30 year career. When the power goes out, beauty forges on. It’s not that different from trying to shampoo the head and cut the hair of a client who has just had a face lift or an ear transplant – you just cleverly work around the forbidden zone. The salon appointment was made prior to the date of surgery and rarely will that appointment get cancelled for ANY reason. Back surgery? worry not, those folks stand for the entire service while the beauty pro slash circus trickster teeters on a step ladder.

During most black-outs my angelic assistant would mightily hold a flash light so we could git er done. Then came the era of the mag light, then the mini mag, which was oh so handy because  i could hold in my mouth all on my own. It made for an exceptionally professional appearance.

Oddly, this tenacity paid off with a mob-scene of new clients wanting to get in on the fun. Their stylists simply tried to re-schedule the appointment to a day in which power was more likely to be plentiful. But, that would not do.

Each power outage was a call for “all hands on deck” as we  lit more candles and gripped the mini mags tighlty between our pearly whites, and everyone was praying “please oh hair gods, let this turn out the way it’s supposed to”. What was a salon yesterday had become a place of worship today.

But you have to figure that if anyone is desperate enough to have one’s hair cut or coloured in the dark, an artist with a mini-mag in mouth is nothing to shake a stick at. I have actually had numerous clients tell me “that was the best ______EVER”.

and then…
Viola! we discovered the headlamp.
Now, nothing but an untimely death can get in my way.

Do you have a slightly zany story about doing hair or having your hair done?
If so, i want to hear from you for my Book Project.
Please leave your comment and we’ll ‘Tawk”.

Simone.

Beauty 911 Thursday, Mar 11 2010 

I was in line at the beauty supply , minding my own business, keeping my hands to myself, when suddenly this ancient memory came rushing at me:

There was a client in my chair, we’ll call her ‘betty’.
After creating a masterpiece and leaving ‘betty’ to admire her beauty, she decided to help herself to the contents of the drawers in my station. This, my friends, is never a good idea. Didn’t your mama teach you not to look in other people’s stuff?

Okay, Innocent enough, all she wanted was a comb.
She was triumphant.
Black Comb in hand she prepares to part her hair.

Oh no, “NO, NO, NOOOOO, STOP, STOP, THAT’S NOT WHAT YOU THINK it is” I run like a woman with her hair on fire to the rescue. But, alas, I am too late. It’s too late, it’s entirely far too late.

The hair from the top of her head lays in a heap on the floor and we’re trying to figure out which stylist remembers CPR.
What she thought was a harmless comb, was indeed a comb, but,
with a very sharp razor in it.

Uh-oh.

bad hair day

A crafty tool of the trade, an ingenious invention, called the ‘carving comb’.
(now they come in purple and green to save all the other betty’s). To wield this tool, you must be clear on your direction, committed to your vision, you must have experience, you definitely need confidence. Until that moment it was a good day, every chair was full, the salon was humming, there were smiles all around and magic was being worked.

Like my grandma used to say, “it’s all fun and games until someone puts an eye out”.
God grant me the ability to learn from other people’s mistakes, and keep my hands out of other people’s stuff (especially in places where sharp objects may be hiding)

Do you have an unusual story about doing hair or having your hair done?
If so, i want to hear from you for my Book Project. Please leave your comment and we’ll ‘Tawk”.

Leap Year Tuesday, Mar 2 2010 

I awoke this morning rather concerned about all the people born on February 29. We all know that February really has only 28 days, but every now and then, some joker adds an extra day just to keep us on our toes.

I know this is not actually about hair, but it is the sort of thing that will come up once i get to the salon, I assure you. Someone will need to talk about this very topic; aging or anti-aging and the un-fairness of life. Someone will announce that they’ve been in therapy for the last 4 years while waiting for Leap Year to return to acknowledge that they indeed were born. Or weirder yet, someone will want to book an appointment for a special event falling on February 29 /2011 and i’ll have to explain that there will not be a 29th of Feb, next year and the battle of the paper calendar Vs the electronic device will begin. Pages will flip and pointers will point or fingers will swipe.

In my opinion, the Leap-er children have been cheated. Imagine, looking like an Octogenarian and having only 4 proper Birthdays!

I think that these are the people who really should be ingesting the Anti-Aging products I carry, They probably have terrific wrinkles, are probably using walkers and their State Identification says they’re just 24.

Who came up with that calendar anyhow? An angry parent?  Captain Kirk? The Nuns?. I know, I know, it’s something about the earth orbiting the sun. Well, with everything speeding up due to technology, you’d think one of those uber aging leap yearian children would come up with a way to get the earth to pick up the pace just a bit, so they could get loved, worshiped and showered with gifts at least once a year like the rest of us. Is there a support group for children born on leap year, or children of adults born on leap year, or friends of children born on leap year? If there is i should have that in my Rolodex.

If you are planning a family, get out your palm pilot, out-look program, I-Cal, mayan calendar, Where’s Waldo Book,  or whatever you use and do the math first. Nine months, plus or minus.
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Do you have a story about doing hair or having your hair done?
If so, i want to hear from you for my Book Project. Please leave your comment and we’ll ‘Tawk”.

Put on your Seat Belt Sunday, Feb 28 2010 

Put your seatbelt on. I have a lot to say.

How crazy has life become?
We are becoming more and more removed from human contact and hand-shake agreements.
Life seems to be about electronics and SPEED now. Remember the old days when you just took a pill to move faster ?

Remember when hi-tech was carrying your gigantic boom box on your shoulder ?
Now there is no longer mail but Email, snail mail, voice mail, answering machines, black berrys,  cell phones, skype, I.Ms. and it’s just about impossible to reach anyone!

Here lies, the simple beauty of having one’s hair done.
A smile, a touch, a nice cup of tea, forced relaxation, a temporary respite,  your guard is down and nobody cares if you glance at trashy magazines, heck sometimes there’s just good old fashioned eaves-dropping to be had.

Then of course, there’s the bonding that takes place. Let’s face it, it’s a vulnerable position.; You are vain, but you don’t want to actually admit it.  You are hopeful, yet white knuckling the arm rests. You are in the hands of a person who can make or break your date-abliity, (aka your sex life)  – words sneak out of the mouth, it feels good, it’s a cleansing…… it’s a healing. Tears are shed, laughs are had, you look in the mirror and you are BEAUTIFUL. Suddenly, there is hope again, all will be right with the world, your best foot will be put forward and you can tackle that hydra that waits for you ‘out there’.

It’s a lovely thing to do for a living; to connect with others, and put smiles (hopefully) on their faces. Sometimes I can’t believe I am paid to make people happy, because the feeling is mutual.

And then ……. there are people like this:

Goo and Go

In and out, get it done, stick and move, cross it off the list.

Can you believe this?  These too, are my people, they’re in a rush, they want it all, they’re busy, they’re hooked up to all the mechanical contraptions, they are beeping, pinging and ringing, they’re driving while on conference calls (at least they are not smoking anymore).

God love the busy folks. We get it done.

Do you have a story about doing hair or having your hair done?
If so, i want to hear from you for my Book Project.
Please leave your comment and we’ll ‘Tawk”.

Welcome to my blog Thursday, Feb 4 2010 

Dear fellow Hair Professional:

I’ve had an idea that’s been marinating for more than 15 years,

it’s time to bring it to fruition, and I would like your help.

I am putting together a book, compiled of letters, cards, pictures and/or stories from those who “stand behind the chair’.

Whether you call yourself a hairstylist , hairdresser, hair designer, beauty professional, beauty operator, beautician, hair cutter, tinter-permer, chemical specialist, or a crimper, and whether you are currently behind the chair or were 65 years ago;

we’ve all had experiences that have elated, exasperated, inspired or baffled us.

I have worked in many salons over the past 30 years, and often “in competition” with Salons in the same area (which made little sense, since we are all on the same side of the chair) I know emotions run high in our industry. I’ve personally witnessed countless salon dramas, been moved to tears by the secrets I’ve heard, received not only love letters, but hate mail as well. I’ve alternately thought about burning my clothes after a ‘bad hair day’ and have felt a deep sense of gratitude for the many gifts this career has given me.

WE HAVE STORIES TO TELL!

primarily to each other, but also to the public.

My fantasy is to hear not only North American’s, but other countries as well.

I would love nothing more than to shed some light on the fact, that at the end of the day we all have more in common than we realize.

Warm Regards,

Wendy Simone